In the beginning

This was the original draft I started when I realized this shit was actually happening to me. I wasn’t sure how I would set this up at the time. I left it as-is, and will fill in the blanks to get up to date shortly.

 

 

On May 4th, I noticed a lump in my right breast. On the following Monday, I was lucky enough to get an appointment to see a lovely doctor, who’s efficient staff then scheduled a mammogram and ultrasound for that Wednesday morning. The ride home was rough, not because of the news, but because the car died right as I was getting on the highway at one of the busiest spots, with no shoulder to pull into. ugh.

The mammogram went well, as did the ultrasound, and the staff was more than sweet and caring. The breast doctor then entered the room to discuss the findings in my breast and a lymph node, and said “I have an appointment at 1pm today for a biopsy, and I think we should do that today.” The fact that he was an extremely attractive, young, and fashion forward man distracted me from the fact that this was all happening very quickly. Probably a good thing.

I went home, woke up John, and told him I needed him to take me back for the procedure, as I would be given a whole lotta xanex to keep me relaxed while it was preformed. We went back to the hospital, and once again the super nice and efficient staff got me ready and relaxed. I lay on the table, feeling pretty good if I do say so, and waited for the doctor and technician to finish prepping and start.

Everything went smoothly, we joked about how the ultrasound machine looks like a karaoke machine, and all agreed that getting an ultrasound is a million times better than listening to drunks try to sing over badly synthesized 80’s music.We also joked about my favorite tee shirt that is too small to fit around my boobs that says  “friends don’t let friends karaoke!”

The biopsy, while not comfortable, was not too painful, and we actually had a lot of laughs. It was interesting to watch on the ultrasound machine while they did it too. They told me it would be 3-5 business days. No call with the results came by Friday evening, and so I started one of the longest weekends of my life. It should be the law that with every biopsy done, they prescribe anti-anxiety meds of your choice for the maximum number of days it might take for you to get results. LAW>

Friday night was full of PMS and half sleep after I finally dozed off around 5am and Saturday morning came earlier than needed. Work was a trial. Too busy thinking of my possible impending cancer and all the horror that can happen. I am sure I will get a case review mentioning I need to express more empathy.

Anyhow, Saturday night I tried to tire myself out with chores. My body agreed it was time for sleep, my brain said “fuck you lady! I’m up for the duration!”  So I took a sleeping pill and a muscle relaxer. Dreamed fretfully of strange things, and again, woke about 2 hours earlier than i needed. So Sunday I got up and did some housework, then sat on my patio enjoying the weather, reading Essential Pepin. It was Mother’s Day, and we had plans to meet with Brettany and her family in Georgetown for lunch. It was great, but since my one option for food was a spinach and strawberry salad, the bottle of wine I drank really wore me out. When we got home, I had to nap. At least it got my mind off things for a few hours. It was so hard to not grab them all and start weeping my eyes out with all my fear. I haven’t said much to anyone yet- everyone has so much on their plate right now, and until I have definite news, I just talked to my immediate family about it. No need to raise the alarm for nada.

Monday morning found me up again after about 5.5 hours of sleep despite my lunesta. So I got up and puttered around for a few before I woke John around noon-30 so we could go down to our local greasy spoon. After that, it was time to pull weeds. So many weeds, and to continue to reflect on life and wait for any news. I called the nurses line about 230 and left a message hoping to hear something, but 5pm came and went with no word. Pretty sure it gave me an ulcer.

I did actually finally get some sleep on Monday night. And woke up to find that the nurse called (her name is Jennifer btw.) I waited in bed for about half an hour before I got the courage to get up. I called her back, and as sweetly as she could she let me know that they did find cancer cells in the breast, but that my lymph node was clear. We scheduled my contrast MRI for Wednesday morning, and she let me know that the surgical nurse would be calling me to make my surgical consult appointment.

Wednesday the MRI went well, and I went home to work. I got a few calls from several different people to set up appointments, one of which wanted me to come back to the hospital the same day, that I could not do b/c of work. So we set up the oncology/surgical appt for Monday  5/20/13 so they would have time to review the results and coordinate schedules. I then called my GP for a rx for something to keep my nerves from flaying apart.

Thursday 5/16 I got a call from my GYN just to see how I was doing and to find out if I needed anything. She was apologetic and genuinely surprised that my lump was cancer, and that she would be there for me if I needed her for anything. I thought that was very professional and compassionate of her.

I then picked up my rx- yay!  Around 2:45 I get a call from the radiology department to find out why I was not at my 2pm appointment. Um- no one told me I had one. Apparently there is another spot they saw on the contrast MRI on Pancho that needs an ultrasound and probably another biopsy. Cute Dr. asked them to schedule it and I guess with all the notes and such it got lost in the mix. I know it was never mentioned to me. So Friday at 11am I have another ultrasound. Nothing noted or mentioned about Lefty, so that is good.


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