Stay Puff.
Marshmallow Woman. Because being fat just isn’t enough.
Well, the workouts came to a screeching halt as my LE came back with a vengeance. My entire left side was puffed up. I am very uncomfortable right now.
I am trying to not be angry. My PT told me “You can’t be that runner that gets mad and puts everything int the start of the race, then can’t finish because they are exhausted. ” But she also said “If we can’t get this under control, you are going to have to get a pneumatic pump, with the whole shirt .” Ya. How sexy is this? http://www.prairiemed.com/truncal-and-arm-lymphedema
I am also trying to not let this depress me. I feel like I get to take one baby step forward, and get dragged back by my hair a good 30 feet. It is frustrating, and makes me feel like I am a failure. I know it is not something I can just – fix- but the fact that I can’t even with all the things I am doing right, is what hurts.-That and the fact that I have about 20 feet of Kenezio tape on my arms and torso. So far, it is the one thing that we know provides relief for me. Of course, now I can’t do my manual lymph drainage or any of the stretches due to the tape. I have so much on me right now, I am actually a little uncomfortable. I feel like a robot. John thinks it looks cool.
I just want to be able to work out and lose weight. The funny part is- being overweight makes the LE worse. So the more I lose, the better it will be. But I can’t really work out without having a flare. I hope this is not always the case.
I have pretty much no will power when it comes to food. Like- zero. I love sweets and cheese and carbs. I find the thought of walking for 3 hours less daunting than not having a slice of pizza for dinner. I really enjoy food. I love salads and various veggies, I like things steamed and such, but I admit that I hate doing dishes which tends to push me out of the kitchen. I have to really work on changing this about myself or I will never find my body again. I wish I could afford to hire a chef to make all my food and do my grocery shopping so that I was just never tempted. Oh- and someone to do my dishes. 🙂
I’m also now very wary of having my reconstruction. If I am having this many issues now, what will it be like with even more trauma and another surgical site? The lymphatic system runs right through your abdomen. I am afraid that I would be royally screwed. I have to do a lot of research on that before I take any further steps forward. A LOT.
Everything else is going okay. My mood is a little better, most of the joint pain is gone, and I am not as fatigued. I still have the weird red spots, ADD, some of my nails are still weird, my hair is not growing fast enough for me, still having some hot flashes and night sweats (they are less and less though,) and still experiencing the weird acidic body. I just think those are things that are never going to go away as long as I am taking tamoxifen. As the days go on, those are a little easier to accept. I still get wiped out if I do too much in a day, and if I stand for more than an hour my feet start screaming, but being able to do the things that I can is awesome after not being able to do anything. I just have to remember to not push it, and make sure that if I am with others that I speak up when I start to get tired.
I’m just going to walk. and walk and walk and walk. That seems to be the only thing that I can do without causing issues, and hopefully if I walk enough, I will lose a few pounds. I need to break in a few pairs of shoes for my fall trip to England anyway! EEEKKK I am so excited about it! There are few places I love as much as England. If transporters were real, I would be there pretty much all the time.
Right now I am working on reorganizing my closet. I can’t seem to figure out how to the the most out of the space I have. SHould I hang everything? Should I fold it all? I just need to be able to see it all, and keep it tidy. Any suggestions with this would be appreciated.
I also need to work on getting the yard cleaned up. Still so many weeds to pull! And the rest of the house is a disaster. Everything needs cleaning and organizing and fixing! There is so much to do and I feel like I will never get it done. I am sure everyone without staff feels this way. I just wish I could have the basics done: everything painted, floors done, and shelving and furniture in so that I could organize it all and just put everything away once and for all. I realize probably more than more people that A- I only have a little bit of time to do these things and B- it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. It would just make my life more comfortable. I know it will be at least 5 years until we get the inside of the house even close to basic. ugh. That includes the year I will be out of commission after I have my next surgery. And that will be if everything goes perfectly and we can actually do it. I know I repeat myself a lot about this. It is such a huge part of my day to day life that I can’t help it.
Well, it is almost 4am, I should try to get some rest. I hope you are sleeping peacefully and having sweet dreams!
xoxox- j
Posted in Uncategorized by Woodenleg with 2 comments.
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