2015- it was an odd year.

Ha! good one!

 

Ok so I am trying to stay positive, but odd numbered years seem to always be a little more difficult for me than even numbered ones. This has been true for as long as I can remember. Not to say that there are not exceptions, but, it just seems to be a pattern.  I know we humans search for patterns in order to make sense of the universe. Our brains work that way to help us navigate through life. I’m sure that is all my odd-numbered-year theory amounts to.

I haven’t posted much because to be honest, 2015 was a madhouse of everything. I had a hard time keeping myself above water. I would like to make an account of my year, for my own perspective.

I am gong to start this chronology with the bad, and end with all the good, so that there is a cleansing of the palette.

 

So here’s the bad:

John’s mom killed herself in January, leaving us all hurt and just a bit angry. Suicide is lame, even lamer when you don’t prepare your way. February found us packing up and sorting what was left of her life and property. That was hard. Then my first love, Leonard Nimoy died. Still not over that.

March found me signing up at a gym, and the rest of the year giving half an effort (at best) to get my shit together and get rid of this fat. May saw floods and power outages. June brought recurring nightmares of my 2 year chemo-versary and all the pain that came with it, as well as injured friends and some that moved away,   and a seriously messed up foot. July- Bitty ran off for several days and I was in tatters.

August was the start of some serious renovations, and all the setbacks and frustrations that come with that.  September was my last chance of seeing Motorhead, and Lemmy was too sick to play, and more friends moving away. It ended in the heartbreaking loss of my best boo, my sweet baby Blue.

October was more of a mess with the house, and in November I said goodbye to my oldest friend who died suddenly, and sat watching in horror as the body count in Paris and several other cities across the world rose. November was all stress and I missed my family more than ever.

Finally, December saw the passing of John’s grandfather and great aunt, another missing cat- Niku, and more time working and missing family. The year was full of injuries and LE flares, illness, and for too many, death (even some fictional that affected me.) So many of my favorite actors, musicians, and political figures passed away. I’m getting to that age where it will become much more common, and that in itself is hard to come to terms with.

 

But it wasn’t all terrible. In fact, some really amazing and fabulous things happened:

New Year’s Eve found me at a pajamajam party at the casa of the beautiful Nikki, where we all had a fabulous time. There was dancing and drinking and all kinds of merry-making. Brettany’s amazing Mad Hatter birthday party followed, which included lots of great costumes and a whole lotta Fireball. February we received so much love and support from everyone while working through Jan’s things, especially from John’s family and his bbf- Wes, and Cindy and her mom, and Lauren and Alyson for staying at our place while we were gone.

March was joyous as we celebrated friends nuptials. April started my magical musical tour this year with The Who, followed by a bff road trip in May to Kansas City, MO to see Beck and Willie Nelson where Erica and I rocked out, explored a beautiful city, and ran into old friends that we hadn’t seen in too long, completely out of the blue.  In June Brettany and I trekked to Dallas to see the Rolling Stones (aaaaamazing!) My nephew graduated from high school, I went to King Spa in Dallas with my friend Shanna- it was great.  For July, I received continuing good news of No Evidence (of cancer) Detected, I got to visit my parents, got some great advice about a business venture I am thinking about from Nicole, and got to finally see Faith No More. Bitty came home- quite scarred by his ordeal.

August was so hot, and it started with an afternoon in the park  with Erin and Jay enjoying the Austin Symphony, and ended with Def Leopard/Styx with John, my sister Deb and her husband Steve, Brettany, Kati, and Shanna-sooo much fun. September was hectic, but I jumped right in with an 80’s themed pool party (one of the best b-day parties i have ever been thanks to Cass,) a big screen showing of AKIRA, learning how to change out my rear wheel bearings, and more splashing with Brettany and Hall&Oats in Houston. Stephanie gave us free tickets to The Zombies in October, and I had an amazing time at my family reunion with my sis and everyone else, and then got to see Vintage Trouble with Toni. November was amazing as I went to Florida to officiate Susan and Brian’s wedding, enjoying the weekend with them, their family, Erica and Marvin, and met new friends. We went to Universal Studios, the Dali museum, and poked around Orlando. The super big thing though- John surprised me with an early b-day gift… of my dream car. A 1974 MGB GT. I almost died. Then we started on our living room floors, which have turned out beautifully.

December was crazy and amazing. My 40th was spent really celebrating. Steven and Jason came over from England, and the first few days Brettany, S&J, and I ran all over Austin doing some fun tourist stuff and then John joined us for going to a few movies during the Other Worlds Scifi Film Fest. Then we took off to Vegas! We stayed at the Flamingo! And Cindy joined us while we were there. We did so much walking- went to the Mob Museum, Neon Museum, Freemont St., shopping, Tiffany’s, gambled a bit, drank a bit, ate so much, and had a few adventures. Vegas is a weird place. I understand ‘Fear and Loathing’ so much better now.  Then we came back, went to Houston to NASA, wrapped up the season of Fat Bottom Cabaret, ate my favorite pizza, did a lot of shopping, and generally had a fabulous time. The crowning glory was of course, the new Star Wars, and another wonderful NYE with friends hosted by the still beautiful Nikki..  2015 was full of a lot of great b-day parties, Fat Bottom shows, movies, music, friends, home improvements, and surprises.

The thing is, our brains are wired for fight or flight. And that engrains negatives into our psyche more than the positives. So the lesson for me here is, to remind myself often of the positives, or the negatives will leave me desolate and drained.

 

2016 is going to be an even busier year, and I am planning my reconstruction as well. I’ve got several hurdles, the largest being my weight (still) and general physical fitness. Luckily, Colby is an amazing trainer, and though I have not followed his instructions well, I did learn a lot from him, and will be using it in full effect starting a week from today when I head back to the gym. I have cleared out the pantry and fridge, and when I get back to town, I will be stocking it with healthy foods, and no junk. My “cheats” will be few, because the only person I am cheating when I eat badly is myself. It really isn’t even about the way I look anymore. It is about my mortality and ability. It’s about having stamina and energy to make it through the day. I have to be the one to make my life what I want it to be.

And that brings me to my career. I am still working on figuring out what I want to be when I grow up. I’ve got to get that worked out, and soon, so I can get into school if I need to. I want to stay with the company I am working for ( I think) but I need to be doing something completely different there. Something where I feel a sense of accomplishment and value to the world.

That leads to my artistic endeavors. Currently my only outlet for creativity is the flamenco classes I am taking with the incomparable Olivia Chacon. I am still a beginner, and need to do more practicing, so don’t get much true expression yet, but I will. I love dancing, even if I am not good at it yet. But, I will be. I also have several paintings in my head, and will be learning some metal working skills.

Luckily, the floors in the living room are done, and I can start practicing in there without killing my knees. Which brings me to the house. Renovations are slow going, mostly due to my fatigue and depression. John has really been working hard. He’s got great skills with just about everything, and the floors are beautiful. Right now, we are working on the massive wall of shelving. He’s putting them together so I can stain them and then we can put a good coat of poly, and get them installed. I am soooo excited for this. After that is done, a   serious cleaning will happen, followed by decorating, decorating, decorating! and lighting installs, right after I finally get our bathroom and vanity area finished. There is a shit ton of stuff I need to do before my recon, but it is going to be so amazing to be able to relax after that in a home that I enjoy. A place that I am proud to have people come visit me in.

While I am mourning the huge loss of so many, and this year started with losing a hero of mine (in innumerable ways- another post will follow about all that) I am looking forward to the good changes that will be happening for me, and all the people I love. (oh Niku is finally home, so all 3 cats and 2 dogs are snoozing away regularly around us. yay!)  I will strive to stay positive, to be supportive of others, to do good in the world, make art, and to laugh and bring laughter to anyone I can.  I hope your 2016 is beautiful, and brings you joy, and I hope I can be a part of it.

 

xoxoxo- jeni.

 

 


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