5 years.

8/26 was the 5 year anniversary of my last chemotherapy treatment!

The following day I had my 6 month check in with my oncologist, where I was given the good news that I’m still dancing with my friend NED.

We also discussed some issues I’m having related to the Tamoxifen I take every day to hopefully keep the cancer at bay. We’re trying some options so that I can stay on it for another 5. Currently the standard of care is 5-10 years. She thinks that 10 won’t hurt unless these other side effects continue to cause me issues.

I honestly can’t effing believe it’s been 5 years. Time has just disappeared. I know that happens more and more as we age, but dang! And so much has happened, both splendid and horrific.

I’m really just relieved that I’ve made it this far, and hope that it never comes back. I’ve lost a lot of beautiful people to cancer, and because of my age and the particular way it decided to show up in my body, I am at an extremely high risk for recurrence. It’s something I try to not think about, and as time goes on, it’s easier. It is my biggest fear.

I have been surprised by the side effects and such that are still here, so many years out. Chemo really fucks you up. I’d do it again, but, this far on I’m still fatigued, have chemo brain, and my neuropathy pops up at the most inconvenient times. My eyebrows never really grew back and look funny. The hump on my back from steroids may never go away. My feet hurt 24/7. It damaged my teeth. I look at least 10 years older than I should. Losing weight is damn near impossible. My PTSD is overwhelming. My surgical scars are painful. My nerves in my chest are assholes. And my lymphedema is always giving me a hassle.

But, I’m still here. And I’m grateful.


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