The Adventures of the other Pancho and LeftyCancer is a jerk. This is my story about living with it.

Jun 3rd Any port in a storm, eh?

Well, 5/31 was my port installation.

First, I would like to say a humongo THANK YOU to Elaine for taking me to my appointment. It was really early, and John had to work super late the night before so would have been in no condition to drive me. Having her there with me was very comforting. She reminds me a lot of my mom, and has made it clear I can use her as my mom-away-from-mom. She is a wonderful lady. And I really mean Lady. 

It went well, and it doesn’t seem like they have messed up my tattoo too badly. The Dr. was really concerned about that, which I thought was very nice of him. Since the possibility of major surgery is still up in the air, I won’t make plans to fix any issues with it till it is all set an done. 

I got the good drugs, then more, then more, because I am one of those people that requires masses doses of anesthetics and sedation for it to work. The nurse kept asking “How you doing in there Jennifer?” and I would answer clearly “Doing great!” “Not sleepy yet?”  “Nope.”  After the 5th injection, I finally got drowsy enough to start, but not so drowsy that I couldn’t follow their conversation which went something like “That is more blahblah than we’ve given to anyone for this. That’s crazy.” To which I quipped “I did a lot of drugs in high school, maybe that makes it harder for me to be sedated?”  “That’s at 300 units. That just doesn’t happen.” I just giggled and drowsed off. 

Then I finally kind of nodded off until I felt a sharp pain and woke up with an “OWWW!” “You can feel that???”  “Yes- that hurts.” “More lidocaine please. Wow.”  

Apparently there are some people with enzymatic differences that make it hard for certain types of medications to work. I certainly hope that when I need surgery, they give me enough of everything to ensure that I don’t feel anything, or wake up during surgery. That is a frightening thought for sure. 

The only real problems I have had with it is the fact that they keep using tegaderm on me, it actually rips my skin off and causes blistering just from how tight it is. I know it is extremely hygienic, but I am going to have to have them put a big note on all my chats to not use it. Slap a band-aid on that and let me take my chances! ugh! my neck is completely raw. 

The port is not that noticeable from what I can tell. It will be another 4 days till I can take off the steristrips to really see it. The ones on my neck already fell off, I hope that isn’t a big deal. :/

 Here are some photos of my MRI biopsy site as well as my tegederm “burns” I will take some of my port incisions later. 

May 30th MRI Biopsy

All I can say really is  OOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCHHHHHH.

Dr. tried one more time to see it with the US because “he really didn’t want to have to do that to me.”  Now I understand why. They mash your boob while you are lying face down in the most uncomfortable position, take a few images, then try to numb it a bit, then stick a big needle with a vacuum attachment and some kind of rotating head in you. Not fun. I hope they got what they needed- I really have no interest in doing that again. He was so nice about it too, so I couldn’t even be mad at him. 🙂

I had my “2nd opinion appointment today as well. She reassured me that the treatments scheduled are sound and the normal procedure in my circumstances, and gave me some great tips and advice on some other things. I feel much better about everything now.

Tomorrow is the big day- putting my port in. Why they schedule that for so damn early in the morning is beyond me, but I took the whole day off so I can just get some sleep before meeting up with friends for a night of love and pizza. I am very lucky to have a surrogate Mom here to take me in the morning, and great friends to meet later in the evening.

May 30th last big project for me for a bit

John found a neighbor that had a ton of decomposed granite he was giving away one night, so we took it all. It has been sitting in our front yard for a few months as we were gong to use it for some projects in the front, but with all this, we decided to use it to resurface an area in the back where we have a big umbrella. Eventually I will be refinishing some wicker to put there.

And- there are surprise hibiscus coming up in the yard- here is one of the plants:

May 30th swaaarmin’

Well, today I got to go swimming! It was only for a couple of hours, but it was better than nothing. I could have stayed there all day. Just floating around in the coolness. It rained a couple of times, so John was ready to come back. 🙂 I was in the water already, so I didn’t mind at all. I cried a bit when I came home. Knowing that I won’t get to do that again for a while is tough. My pal Tom came up and drove us, and I am thankful! It was nice of him to do.

Really though, is there anything better than being in the water, having minnows nibble your legs when you stand still too long, looking up at our beautiful Texas sky? I really don’t believe there is.

John

Tom

my favorite place there

May 29th ketchup

Ok- picking up where I left off:

5/17/13 brought another ultrasound, and it was supposed to be a biopsy as well, but due to the density of my breast and the location of the spot they could not see the lump with the ultrasound. So we scheduled an MRI biopsy for 5/30. I am a little apprehensive about that. I know that means it is pretty deep and that means a possibility of muscle invasion and a much larger surgical outlook.  Also- OWWWW!

5/19 I had a few close friends over for grilling and Blue Hawaiians. I am pretty sure I drank an entire blender full myself. Not everyone was aware of my situation, which was good because as much as I wanted to talk about it, I also really wanted it to just be a “normal” day.   I had a really wonderful day, and enjoyed myself immensely.

Monday 5/20 I had my first appointment with my oncologist. She is great. Really nice and makes me feel confident about my treatment plan. Since I had not gotten it done yet, we set up a BRACA test, and were also waiting on the Her2 test to come back. Also, as the 2nd biopsy was not done yet, we decided to go ahead and plan for the information we had.  That means I start chemo on 6/3. It is invasive ductal carcinoma Stage 1, Grade 3, but the lymph node they tested was clear. The first lump is big- over an inch. I will have 2 kinds of chemo over the course of 16 weeks. After the blood work we are waiting for comes back and my MRI biopsy is complete, we can decide on my surgical plan and any radiation therapies.

The chemo I will be having is: Adriamycin/Cytoxan for the first 4, then Taxol for the second 4. You can find more info about these at www.chemocare.com if you like. Basically it will be horrid. And get this: because of the complementary meds used with these- it is highly likely that I will GAIN weight. Murphy has nothing on Jeni’s Laws.

Absorbing the fact that I actually have a “chemo plan” is hard. There are so many restrictions with chemo. The food you eat (if you can eat,) housework, yard work, fun things, going out to eat, going to the grocery store. All the normal life things are all either off limits, or severely inhibited because of risk of infection. There will be blood tests to monitor my white and red blood cell count because this chemo affects your bone marrow. It also affects your heart muscle, so on 5/24 I had to have a MUGA scan of my heart to make sure that it is healthy enough to even go this route. I also had my chemo class with the head oncology nurse. She has got to be one of the sweetest people I have ever met. It was informative, and she answered all my questions clearly and thoroughly.

I don’t want to skip over the fact that on 5/22 John and I went to see Sir Paul McCartney!!! OMG it was awesome! I am an monster Wings fan, and a huge Beatles fan, and love pretty much everything that he has ever done. The show was phenomenal! He played for about 3 hours, and I would have been even happier if he played 20 more. He was funny and still as cute as ever. I CAN”T BELIEVE I GOT TO SEE  A BEATLE PLAY LIVE!! I cried a lot. Happy and sad tears. It was a beautiful show.

John and I have just been trying to get things done around the house before I am not able to help as much. Once my chemo port is put in on 5/31, I was told that I cannot lift more than 10 pounds. That means I can’t even pick up my cats. grrr. We have been moving the 3 truckloads of decomposed granite to the back in this area where we have a big umbrella. My plan was to sand and repaint this wicker bench that I was given and have it there. That will just have to wait.

The mosquitoes have been INSANE while we’ve been out there working. I am covered in welts. Eff those bitches! I don’t need West Nile on top of cancer- thank you very much!

Since I won’t be allowed to go swimming at all after the 2nd biopsy, I am taking the day off tomorrow to head up to Georgetown to take a dip at my favorite swimming hole around here. We’ve had some rain, so hopefully it will be full, but not gross. I just want to float around and not think about anything but the cold water.

After my MRI biopsy on 5/30 I also have an appointment for a 2nd opinion with the oncologist that worked with Bret’s mom, and some of her friends. She comes highly recommended. Mostly, I just want reassurance that the care that I am getting seems to be in order, and the plan for killing this cancer is a good one. I will take whatever advise and guidance I can from those who know more about this than I do.

And with that- you should all be mostly caught up. I’ll try to post some photos of the swimming hole and the yard project tomorrow.

much love to you all <3

May 29th Some of you have asked

Some of you have asked about making hair donations. While I think it is a worthwhile cause, please think long and hard and research the organizations available. Here is a site with a few listed for your consideration:   http://hair.lovetoknow.com/Donating_Hair_for_Cancer_Victims

May 28th In the beginning

This was the original draft I started when I realized this shit was actually happening to me. I wasn’t sure how I would set this up at the time. I left it as-is, and will fill in the blanks to get up to date shortly.

On May 4th, I noticed a lump in my right breast. On the following Monday, I was lucky enough to get an appointment to see a lovely doctor, who’s efficient staff then scheduled a mammogram and ultrasound for that Wednesday morning. The ride home was rough, not because of the news, but because the car died right as I was getting on the highway at one of the busiest spots, with no shoulder to pull into. ugh.

The mammogram went well, as did the ultrasound, and the staff was more than sweet and caring. The breast doctor then entered the room to discuss the findings in my breast and a lymph node, and said “I have an appointment at 1pm today for a biopsy, and I think we should do that today.” The fact that he was an extremely attractive, young, and fashion forward man distracted me from the fact that this was all happening very quickly. Probably a good thing.

I went home, woke up John, and told him I needed him to take me back for the procedure, as I would be given a whole lotta xanex to keep me relaxed while it was preformed. We went back to the hospital, and once again the super nice and efficient staff got me ready and relaxed. I lay on the table, feeling pretty good if I do say so, and waited for the doctor and technician to finish prepping and start.

Everything went smoothly, we joked about how the ultrasound machine looks like a karaoke machine, and all agreed that getting an ultrasound is a million times better than listening to drunks try to sing over badly synthesized 80’s music.We also joked about my favorite tee shirt that is too small to fit around my boobs that says  “friends don’t let friends karaoke!”

The biopsy, while not comfortable, was not too painful, and we actually had a lot of laughs. It was interesting to watch on the ultrasound machine while they did it too. They told me it would be 3-5 business days. No call with the results came by Friday evening, and so I started one of the longest weekends of my life. It should be the law that with every biopsy done, they prescribe anti-anxiety meds of your choice for the maximum number of days it might take for you to get results. LAW>

Friday night was full of PMS and half sleep after I finally dozed off around 5am and Saturday morning came earlier than needed. Work was a trial. Too busy thinking of my possible impending cancer and all the horror that can happen. I am sure I will get a case review mentioning I need to express more empathy.

Anyhow, Saturday night I tried to tire myself out with chores. My body agreed it was time for sleep, my brain said “fuck you lady! I’m up for the duration!”  So I took a sleeping pill and a muscle relaxer. Dreamed fretfully of strange things, and again, woke about 2 hours earlier than i needed. So Sunday I got up and did some housework, then sat on my patio enjoying the weather, reading Essential Pepin. It was Mother’s Day, and we had plans to meet with Brettany and her family in Georgetown for lunch. It was great, but since my one option for food was a spinach and strawberry salad, the bottle of wine I drank really wore me out. When we got home, I had to nap. At least it got my mind off things for a few hours. It was so hard to not grab them all and start weeping my eyes out with all my fear. I haven’t said much to anyone yet- everyone has so much on their plate right now, and until I have definite news, I just talked to my immediate family about it. No need to raise the alarm for nada.

Monday morning found me up again after about 5.5 hours of sleep despite my lunesta. So I got up and puttered around for a few before I woke John around noon-30 so we could go down to our local greasy spoon. After that, it was time to pull weeds. So many weeds, and to continue to reflect on life and wait for any news. I called the nurses line about 230 and left a message hoping to hear something, but 5pm came and went with no word. Pretty sure it gave me an ulcer.

I did actually finally get some sleep on Monday night. And woke up to find that the nurse called (her name is Jennifer btw.) I waited in bed for about half an hour before I got the courage to get up. I called her back, and as sweetly as she could she let me know that they did find cancer cells in the breast, but that my lymph node was clear. We scheduled my contrast MRI for Wednesday morning, and she let me know that the surgical nurse would be calling me to make my surgical consult appointment.

Wednesday the MRI went well, and I went home to work. I got a few calls from several different people to set up appointments, one of which wanted me to come back to the hospital the same day, that I could not do b/c of work. So we set up the oncology/surgical appt for Monday  5/20/13 so they would have time to review the results and coordinate schedules. I then called my GP for a rx for something to keep my nerves from flaying apart.

Thursday 5/16 I got a call from my GYN just to see how I was doing and to find out if I needed anything. She was apologetic and genuinely surprised that my lump was cancer, and that she would be there for me if I needed her for anything. I thought that was very professional and compassionate of her.

I then picked up my rx- yay!  Around 2:45 I get a call from the radiology department to find out why I was not at my 2pm appointment. Um- no one told me I had one. Apparently there is another spot they saw on the contrast MRI on Pancho that needs an ultrasound and probably another biopsy. Cute Dr. asked them to schedule it and I guess with all the notes and such it got lost in the mix. I know it was never mentioned to me. So Friday at 11am I have another ultrasound. Nothing noted or mentioned about Lefty, so that is good.

May 28th whaddaya, new?

Trying to set this up, since I don’t know anything about blogging, I had to ask John for help.  I love him. That is all.