Rolla Coasta! of Looove!

And also of every emotion imaginable. That is what this past week has been.

I am still concentrating on asking myself “what is the cancer does not come back?’ It takes a ton of effort to do this simple thing, but it is helping. It is especially hard when trying to support others int he BC community that have sudden and dangerous tumors show up in their brains, or bones, where they were seemingly doing really well a day before. I can’t stop supporting them, I just have to control the fear. Gotta keep that Bene Gesserit mantra in my head! (Good science fiction can be applied to so many situations!)
~I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.~

I went to my Physical Therapy evaluation. They think I may have a little tuncal lymphedema starting, we next week I start working on that, getting some really painful myofacial release done on my chest, learning manual lymphatic drainage, and learning how I will be allowed to work out. I am really looking forward to it! (not the pain, just the step forward.)

My tamoxefin SEs are still the same. I am increasing the days that i take effexor to help control it to see if that makes a difference. I also started taking it at night instead of in the morning. So far, nothin doin. But it has only been this week, so I will keep on the same schedule to see what happens. I am tired of my hands and feet hurting. And so tired of the fire/ice in my body.

Then I went shopping for something to wear to a wedding reception. Terrible, terrible, terrible idea. I will not be doing any kind of shopping for clothing except for jeans and t’s until the trip to England. There isn’t any point in it. Emotionally, it is just too hard, and there is no reason to put myself through that kind of torture for nothing.  I will have to get a couple of things in November if I don’t have what I need due to weight loss, but I think I should have it all. And this time, I am not going to try to wear anything but my trusty flip flops while walking everywhere. I don’t care how cold it is, the blisters last time were murder. I seriously had 5 blisters in the same spot, one after the other. It was gross. And If I can get down to a size 10 by then, I have a really cute dress and shows already to wear. If not, then I will venture out into the terror that is retail. Man, shopping used to be one of my favorite things. How times have changed!

The reception was great! Except my body does not process alcohol the same way it used to. It moves very slow. Which actually scared me a bit. Let’s see, started at 330, ate dinner, popcorn and dessert,  I had 4 mimosas, and 4 (weak) spiced rum and cokes. I stopped drinking at 830? Drank about 64 oz of water, ate again, and was still hammered at 5am. Ya, won’t be doing that ever again. I think all of the chemo and drugs I have had to take this year, and in the foreseeable future have put the kibosh on my enjoyment of adult beverages. SUPER LAME! It isn’t like I drink a lot, but when I do, I want to enjoy it. Oh well. Lesson learned.

So I got hammered, and over-shared, and cried, and laughed, and danced, and took terrible photos, and made an ass of myself as usual. It was great! I got to see people I never get to see, and love super much, and made some plans to see them again. Hopefully that all works out. The bride and groom were gorgeous and sweet, the food was great, and it was the first time I had ever been to Donn’s Depot. Super place! I plan to go again!

This week and next we are trying to get focused and get John’s office painted. Focus Focus Focus. So much to do in this house!!!

Monday and Tuesday I got into the yard finally and started doing some cleaning up. Weeding, mowed the front, more weeding, a bit of hedge clipping. It feels great to get out and work in the yard!! It did wear me out though! I was ready for a nap right when I needed to clock in for work.

Just gotta win that lotto…..

 

🙂

love you guys!

 

 

 

 


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