Walking On Broken Glass

Hello my friends. I am sorry it has been so long.

Life has been hectic, and while there has been much going on, there hasn’t been a ton to talk about. I had planned to start the new year with a  new post about all those happenings, and the fun and drudgery of my life from September to February, but I unfortunately have something to talk about that is very sad. It is also frustrating, enraging, and leaves me feeling useless and helpless, like millions of others that are in my same situation.

Yesterday, the woman who for all intents and purposes was my mother-in-law, successfully ended her own life. She was a wonderful, sweet, kind, caring mother, daughter, aunt, and friend. But she was in crisis, and was, in my opinion, released from medical care too soon and as a result, she is gone. She was so fearful and sad, that she felt she could not go on.

She was an intelligent woman, whose conversations were fun and engaging. Though her life was tinged with great sadness, I never knew how dark her path was. I feel very guilty for not doing more to help once this latest crisis came about, but know that her family was doing everything they could to lead her into the light, and get her proper care, and I was afraid of interfering with her care. I should have called. I should have texted, or written, or sent fucking smoke signals every day to let her know that I cared. I will forever regret not doing so.

If you, or anyone you know is feeling like ending your life, please, please, please, know that people care about you, and you are loved. Let those people know that they are loved, even if you think you might not be the person that should be letting them know. They need to hear it from everyone, and if it doesn’t help, at least you tried.

There are several professional resources available to those in crisis. Here are a few:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org    No matter what problems you are dealing with, we want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area,anytime 24/7.

http://www.helpguide.org/home-pages/suicide-prevention.htm

http://suicide.org

These are just a few places to find help.

 

 

For those left behind, there are some other organizations:

 

http://www.allianceofhope.org

http://www.sprc.org/sites/sprc.org/files/Survivors.pdf

http://www.didihirsch.org/survivors-after-suicide

 

I am not sure how we will get through this, but we will. We have to. We will do the best we can to honor her memory, and to hopefully help anyone else that might find themselves in the same place she did.

 

You matter. You are loved. You have value. You deserve to be happy, and can be.

 

Please take care of yourself.

(I love you, Jan.)

 

– j

 

 

 


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