Sorry I have been out of touch lately. To be honest, things have been crazy and busy, and I have not had the energy to post, or even read a lot of things.<\/p>\n
It all started with the loss of a very sweet woman from the BCO forums. She was wonderful. It hit me harder than I ever expected. Then I started working a ton of overtime trying to save up for my vacation, which was really wiping my energy out. I had been doing my workouts and eating better, only to have my LE flare up big time, and I only lost 4 freaking pounds after 2 months of major changes. I mean- i cut my sugar\/carb intake by about 95%. \u00a0For anyone else, that would have dropped 20lbs. But not me! I am the girl who gains weight when I get a stomach bug. I had a friend in another state get in a terrible accident, so was worried sick about him and set up a donation page to help with his bills since he can’t work. Please donate!\u00a0https:\/\/www.youcaring.com\/HBHez<\/a>\u00a0 \u00a0And last, I helped decorate for a good friend’s amazing bachelorette \u00a0party this past Saturday. All that on top of us hitting our hottest part of the year, the house being a disaster in every way and I just want to scream and cry all day because of it. Which brings us to my current state: dumpsville.<\/p>\n I’ve been struggling so hard with my body image. I’m not winning. I feel like nothing I do makes a difference, and seeing all my gorgeous friends, with beautiful and whole bodies, just murdered me. I was having a great time, except, I was so aware of my body, and all of theirs. Maybe it would not be so bad if my face didn’t also look so strange now. And I don’t like to bring up my health, but I feel the need to explain why I look so weird and have divots in my chest where there should be breasts. Like I have to excuse the horror of my appearance. Fat, with crazy\u00a0hair, bad skin, a weird face, and holes in my chest. \u00a0Will I ever had a body I can be happy with again? How long will it take me to get there? a year, 2? 10? Will I even live long enough to see my real body again? I certainly am not going to be wearing the dress I bought for Steven and Jason’s wedding. I feel foolish that I thought I would loose 60 pounds by now. \u00a0I am going to keep trying, but, I already feel defeated. The Tamoxifen is making it even harder for me, and my PCOS is what caused this weight gain to begin with. I’m so frustrated and sad. I feel like a gorgon. It doesn’t help that I am in pain pretty much all the time. I know that affects my mood. \u00a0Is there any point in my even trying? Sigh. Maybe once the weather starts to cool down a bit my mood will improve.<\/p>\n If I had a pool, I know that I would be in a better mood! But apparently, that isn’t something that will happen in this house. I can’t even get an above ground to use because someone doesn’t like them. Major projects around the house? I get over ruled time and time again. \u00a0Another place that I feel useless. It would do me so much good to get in the water every day- great exercise\u00a0and the water pressure helps with my LE.. But hey- planting trees right where i wanted it is more important!, Right?<\/p>\n There is more of my foul mood.<\/p>\n If i snap at you or am morose when I see you, just know it may pass soon and has nothing to do with you, it really is just me.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n xoxoxo<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Sorry I have been out of touch lately. To be honest, things have been crazy and busy, and I have not had the energy to post, or even read a lot of things. It all started with the loss of a very sweet woman from the BCO forums. She was wonderful. It hit me harder than I ever expected. Then I started working a ton of overtime trying to save up for my vacation, which was really wiping my energy out. I had been doing my workouts and eating better, only to have my LE flare up big time, and I only lost 4 freaking pounds after 2 months of major changes. I mean- i cut my sugar\/carb intake by about 95%. \u00a0For anyone else, that would have dropped 20lbs. But not me! I am the girl who gains weight when I get a stomach bug. I had a friend in another state get in a terrible accident, so was worried sick about him and set up a donation page to help with his bills since he can’t work. Please donate!\u00a0https:\/\/www.youcaring.com\/HBHez\u00a0 \u00a0And last, I helped decorate for a good friend’s amazing bachelorette \u00a0party this past Saturday. All that on top of us hitting our hottest part of the year, the house being a disaster in every way and I just want to scream and cry all day because of it. Which brings us to my current state: dumpsville. I’ve been struggling so hard with my body image. I’m not winning. Continue Reading →<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-449","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.super-crush.com\/blahblahblah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/449","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.super-crush.com\/blahblahblah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.super-crush.com\/blahblahblah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.super-crush.com\/blahblahblah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.super-crush.com\/blahblahblah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=449"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.super-crush.com\/blahblahblah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/449\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":453,"href":"http:\/\/www.super-crush.com\/blahblahblah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/449\/revisions\/453"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.super-crush.com\/blahblahblah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=449"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.super-crush.com\/blahblahblah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=449"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.super-crush.com\/blahblahblah\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=449"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}