Just wanted to post this pretty amazing news article
This could really change lives in huge ways!
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favors, goodness, badness, a little bit of ugly?
Let’s start with another favor for someone!
A friend of mine from high school has a friend battling BC right now. Her situation is different from mine, and she really, really could use some financial support. Wanna get me something nice? Donate as much as you can to her, and tell her I sent you over if you like. Here is her fundraising link:
https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/3Zk32
Here is a little FaceBook page about her and her fundraising and battle as well https://www.facebook.com/carlinscancerbattle
She posts some great info there! Please “like” it if you are on FB and show her your support that way too!
On with the good!
My new living room comfort is so wonderful! Thank you again to those that provided me a squishy place for my squishy butt. (All the animals thank you also. Who didn’t see that coming?)
My second henna from Kim is so beautiful. I just cannot believe her talent sometimes.
This Is after about 4 days. It just turns colors so beautifully.
I had my surgical consults this week. On Wednesday the Breast Surgeon I met, Dr. Watson, was great. Very thoughtful, listened to my concerns, answered all my questions. Very kind disposition. I like him a lot.
Friday I met with a great Plastic/reconsrtructive Suegeon, Dr. Pike, super nice and professional with great style. Unfortunately, she does not perform the surgery I am interested in. So she very happily referred me to the surgeon in Temple who specializes in what I want (SIEA or DIEP) and set me up an appointment for 9/6. I was really impressed with her honesty and the fact that she completely respected my wishes without any hesitation or without trying to convince me that implants were better. I see a lot of that kind of thing on forums, and I was nervous about having that kind of conversation. I must say, if I ever decide to get any other kind of work done, she is on my list.
Because the recon/ps I will probably be going with is in Temple, that may change my BS from Dr. Watson. Luckily, Brettany knows a few ladies that have seen a wonderful BS in the same hospital I need to keep with that is apparently amazing (boob guru may have been a title given to her.) So if I have to switch, it will be to her.
It is good to have great referrals to wonderful surgeons. I’ve never had any real surgery, so this is scary and having others with confidence in someone’s skills is very reassuring.
Here is a little info about the recon I am interested in:
http://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/surgery/reconstruction/types/autologous/siea
http://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/surgery/reconstruction/types/autologous/diep
I have read a LOT of blogs and forums about implants and other recons, and simply not reconstructing. Thinking about how you want to live your life, and the quality of that life, the activities you can participate in, is so important. This is one of the best threads I found. I read it all, and it was worth it to me. If you have any doubts, questions, concerns about that part of your treatment, I highly encourage you to get on these forums and read about the experiences these women have had.
http://community.breastcancer.org/topic_post?forum_id=44&id=801359&page=1
I felt my apprehensions about implants were very justified. I would rather just not have any recon than having to worry about my quality of life later. Tits are great- they make a dress look good, but if that means I can’t lift and move one of my Hospice patients, or row, or do serious yard work and renovations on my home, or go rock climbing one day with John, they are not worth it. They don’t make me a woman, I do. Plus- once I get down to my goal weight, if I am not a good candidate for one of the above, all those gorgeous flapper dresses I still have in storage will look faaaboooo!
Thursday evening Shayne and Kim S. came over to enjoy some gab time! Kim brought some deeeeeelish cupcakes as well. So thoughtful! I love seeing my friends and wish I wasn’t just on my lunch break while they were here. While I enjoy sleeping in when my body lets me, not being off work till so late can really stink. Anyhow, we had a great visit, good laughs, and SUGAR. Yes!
The bad(ish):
Time is flying, and my second to last chemo is Monday! WOOOT! I am so excited for this part to be over. The hand-foot syndrome is really starting to be a problem though. It is so painful, I have to ice my hands all day to work. Walking is starting to get difficult now. My onc. said we will be reducing the dosage again to see if it helps. I hope so. It is making work very hard. The swelling is also really starting to try to lift my fingernails. I can say this taxol is worse than the AC/C, for me. Most women say it it is the opposite. The neuropathy is getting a lot worse as well. If I can just make it through the next 4 weeks I will be good.
I am not sure the steroids are helping with that part, but the depression is gone. I don’t love its’ replacement mood AGGRO though. I don’t like snapping at people or being pissed off for no or very little reason. And they make me manic and my insomnia is terrible. ick. Again- just 4 more weeks really if you look at it! 4! That is nothing!
the ugly
BIG favoring.
I haven’t asked for much by way of needing things done around here, but between now and my surgery, there are a LOT of things that I would like and need done around my home to prepare for it and all the activity and people that will be around (Some of it just for my mental state of mind, which will be really important,) as well as post-surgical house keeping/cooking/pet caring/me caring and visiting. I may be in recovery for up to 8 weeks, at least half of that without being allowed to do anything at all really.
We are working on a list this weekend of stuff. From next week to 9/12 there will be a bunch of help needed outside and in the shop.
I won’t lie- there is a lot of hot, dirty, manual labor that needs doing. Lots of organizing and yard work and just grunt work that I would have been doing all summer if I had been allowed. Between October 1 and my surgery, I should be able to really get down and dirty myself with a lot of these chores- which I will be soooo happy about!
If you are interested in helping, please shoot me an email or facebook private message. I will send out a mass email with kind of a sign-up/schedule sheet thing. I know that not everyone in my circle of love has love for one another. The email will go out non BCC so that everyone can see who is on the list. I want every one to reply all so there is no awkwardness if possible. I know we are all grown-ass mofos, but I also know that I hold grudges for a lifetime, and some others do as well. I just want whoever comes to help to me out to not have to feel in any way uncomfortable or anything while they are doing so. you know me and you know that I would not be asking for help if I didn’t really need it.
Most things will happen on Sundays/Monday as that is our weekend. I plan on having plenty of beverages and snacks on hand for anyone that comes to help. All this info will be in my emails, so just again, if you want to pitch in- get your email addy to me.
Ok everyone- I hope you have a marvelous weekend! love you all!
Posted in Uncategorized by Woodenleg with no comments yet.
WOW
So, the generosity and sweetness of everyone has once again overwhelmed me.
I put out a call a few days ago for some furniture- and BAM – my amazing friends Erin and Jay gave me their love seat, and a great gal I know from work had a friend that was giving away a couch and they brought it right over. I can’t tell you how awesome that is that a: people are so kind, b: it happened so fast, and c: I’d never even met this nice girl Lisa and she was just like- “here- and we’ll even bring it to you!” So unbelievably kind!
Erin also bought me some awesome Star Trek glasses to add to my bar collection. That girl knows the way to my scifi loving heart!
Found a great deal on a hospital bedside table on CL.
My Aunt Becky offered to do some sewing for me, I got a great email from my godmother the other day with a hilarious video, Kim P. is sewing my little head caps right now, I have offers all over to help with alterations on items for when my surgery happens, and for ppl to come help care for me. Tons of little emails and text and messages from my friends and family just letting me know that they are thinking of me a love me. This random lady stopped me in the parking lot of JoAnn’s to tell me how beautiful I was and that I was totally rocking the bald like a star.
I can’t express to you how all this kindness and love is filling my heart.
Just when I was feeling my lowest. All my tears from last week of sorrow are now tears of joy, and all the pain and swelling and allergic reactions are just melting into the background (as much as they can.)
Never ever underestimate the power of kindness. Just a few simple words or a hand here and there can change a persons life in ways you can’t imagine. I try my hardest to do that for others, and now I see that it does come back around.
So thank you all so much for everything. I can’t wait to be able to pay it forward again. It may be several months or even a year before I can really be up and running, but when I do, you can be sure that it will be at full steam!
Until that time, know that I love you and care about you and will give you whatever encouragement and love I can from my little world.
Onto some cancer business now.
First- please do me, and yourself, and everyone else a favor and go to https://www.armyofwomen.org/
Sign up to take part in their studies.
Just as important, sign up for HOW https://www.healthofwomenstudy.org/
This question and answer study helps track patterns in health and breast cancer. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT.
Every woman on the planet that can should be signing up for this. Do it, tell your friends, tell your neighbors, tell your religious groups, tell your mommy meetups, tell EVERYONE. Please- if we want to be active participants in stopping breast cancer, we have to take a few minutes to DO something.
Dr. Susan Love is the shizznit! Read her books. You will learn amazing things. Her first big book was revolutionary at the time, and still is. Learning about the breast and its functionality and all the things that go along with them was eye opening to say the least. http://www.amazon.com/Susan-Loves-Breast-Merloyd-Lawrence/dp/0738213594/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376723671&sr=1-1&keywords=dr+susan+love
I have been reading a ton of forums lately about surgery and reconstruction and found a really great community that has some amazing info. A lot of it is so confusing in general, and some of these women have really taken a lot of time to help others. http://www.breastcancer.org/ is amazing. I really love this site.
General reconstruction info http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/44/topic/800104
Implant sizing http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/44/topic/746448?page=283#post_3632511
This one about bras http://community.breastcancer.org/topic_post?forum_id=44&id=753120&page=1
Specific info about Nordstom’s services http://shop.nordstrom.com/c/prosthesis-program
These resources have been great for me, as I can’t do a lot of things in person due to my late work schedule. I can’t go to support groups or other meetings, so this is where I have the chance to interact and ask questions about things. And everyday there are more studies and more info and more and more and more. I firmly believe that we can kill breast cancer totally and will do so soon. And hopefully every other kind of stupid fucking cancer. It should not be allowed to claim all the lives it does every year. I would always get really pissed about it, and it is even more the case now since I am living with it. It gets my JeniWarrior ire up for sure. (these steroids are probably making it even more so.)
Anyhow- hope you find some helpful info and come away from this knowing that I care about you and appreciate all that everyone has done, is doing, and will do for me throughout my life. You are amazing. Thank you.
oxoxoxo
Posted in Uncategorized by Woodenleg with 3 comments.
two point two
So, the last two weeks have been kinda crazy.
Apparently I have Hand/Foot syndrome. It is not fun. http://chemocare.com/chemotherapy/side-effects/handfoot-syndrome.aspx#.UglpllNnAeM I am back on steroids to help control that. I hope it works.
I had fevers from my allergies for about 5 days last week, and a cough that is lingering, but not dangerous.
The taxol also seems to be making me fairly depressed. I can fight it, but it is not easy.
Shayne came by and brought all my awesome hats and helped me with a pattern for a knit cap that my friend Kim will be sewing (a few) for me and other chemo patients. (photos coming soon!)
Brettany came up and spent F/S night with me. I it when she comes to stay even if we stay up too late 🙂
Wendy came over yesterday to chat and helped me straighten things up around the house- she is awesome! She also got me this great book http://beautypearlsforchemogirls.com/ Super fun!
I have awesome fucking friends!!!!
And today I had a severe allergic reaction about 5 minutes into treatment. first my stomach hurt, then my back, then all of a sudden I started getting really, really hot and my face went numb, I started having issues breathing and began to lose consciousness. All that happened in about 2 seconds. Luckily Jen the infusion nurse was standing right next to me treating the dude in the next chair and was able to get everyone over to get my oxygen, stop the infusion, start flushing it with saline and administer morphine for the severe pain that was happening in my back. It scared the living shit out of me. I really felt like I was going to die there for a sec. WHEW!!! After about 45 minutes they started it again and I did not have any issues.
Apparently the benedryl did not take effect fast enough in my system to prevent the allergic response. Next time we will have to wait a bit longer before starting the chemo. That is fine by me! Good thing about all that is: I got 4 liters of saline, so I don’t have to try to drink a ton of water today. Yay!
I have consultations scheduled with the breast surgeon and the reconstructive plastic surgeon next week to discuss my plan. It will be happening much sooner than I thought, as the initial surgery must happen between 4-12 weeks after completion of chemo. I have to get it done and be recovered before the xmas rush at work. Gotta make that money! We have serious bills coming due next spring for home items (washer/dryer/dishwasher) that have to be paid. I am shooting for the week of 10/21 if it is doable. We shall see….
Favor to ask- if you or someone you know is getting rid of a super comfy sofa/couch for free or reaaaaaaallly cheap, please let me know. It doesn’t need to look nice, it can have some cat claw damage or whatever, it just needs to be squishy and not have bugs. Also looking for a hospital bedside tray as I will be in recovery for a few weeks after my surgery and will need to be able to comfortably access my computer or work on things. Additionally, I will need help doing some organizing/super cleaning and lawn work before my surgery as my parents will be coming up for that. Um- ya- no stress there at all 🙂 Please email me or friendface me if you can assist with any of that.
I can’t believe it is already mid-August. I am almost done with chemo and the holidays are right around the corner. I love October/November/December and hope I get to see my loved ones and can decorate my home a bit for all of the seasonal wonder. I tend to get a little maudlin, as I really miss my Nanny and Papa, and Uncle Emil and Aunt Ruby, and all the family get-togethers and N&P’s house. They were the holidays for me and it tears me up every year, but also allows me to remember all the wonderful times we had as a family. All the jokes and love and food and wonder. What I wouldn’t give for one more Christmas at their house. Or just more time with them.
This year has been so terrible and crazy, I am glad it will be coming to an end soon. Fuck a bunch of 2013. I am over it. I know a lot of people have had a really horrid year and feel the same. Come on 2014!
Please know that I love you and that things will be better next year for all of us. I can feel it!
Posted in Uncategorized by Woodenleg with 5 comments.
it’s like a joy division song stuck on repeat. and they’re my fav. band
Today I had a great day with my BFF Erica and second in command Brettany. We had lunch at a passable Italian place, did a ton of talking, went antiquing, stopped at the Dairy Queen that we accidentally found, and then did much more gabbing at Bret’s place after. All this was followed up by a few episodes of AbFab with Erica at my place. It was a wonderful change of pace for me and would have been counted as one of the best days with my best buds no matter what the circumstances.
So why did I end up in a pile on the floor of the shower having a severe breakdown tonight? I know I have not been feeling my best this week, but I haven’t felt so helpless and afraid as I have tonight at all during this whole ordeal. I think it is partly because I am tired- it was a very long and physically taxing day for me. I think another part is that I really feel like I have no control over any aspect of my life or my body. Neither are my own at this moment. I can’t do what I want or need to do, I can’t eat want I want, I can’t go where I want, my body has turned against me, I have no control over what will happen, my life is not my own. My body is not my own, and is currently being poisoned, and will soon be mutilated in ways I can’t even begin to understand or appreciate. I will lose what society uses to identify me as female, on top of everything else I have lost already to this disease. I have no idea when any of this will end. I feel completely hopeless at times and it is terrible. Occasionally a huge gaping black hole opens up under me and I can’t even see the sides to try to grasp at them.
I try so hard to stay positive, because I know that makes a huge difference in your treatment and recovery, but sometimes is is so hard it seems impossible. I don’t want to give up, but I just want my fucking so-called life back. I want to spend time working on my home with my boyfriend, I want to just spend normal time with him. He tries very hard to keep a sense of normalcy around here, but it is hard for me to keep it in my mind.
I know that this is normal for someone in my place. To feel this way occasionally. If I didn’t then something would be very wrong. It just surprises me at times. Catches me off my guard and throws me to the wolves which then rend my heart to bits.
I know I will feel better tomorrow after I get some rest and have a good breakfast. Luckily, Erica will be here most of the day tomorrow and spending time with her is the best medicine I could get.
Sorry to be such a downer, but this shit sucks balls and I hope you never, ever have to go through it.
Love you.
Posted in Uncategorized by Woodenleg with 4 comments.
half-n-half
Sorry for the lack of updates, but there has not been too much going on. Just working and trying to get through this mess.
Brettany came and stayed with us last weekend. She spent most of the time at her dad’s as her niece was in town visiting, but she would come back to our place at night so we could hang out a little. Any B time I can get, I will take! Then John and I went to the big antique mall here and I found a metal magazine rack exactly like the one we had when I was a kid. Totally stoked about that, as it still looks almost new, and probably will for the next 60 years. Score!
AAANNNND I am at my half way point! YAY! very excited about that.
Good news: the tumor we could feel seems to be completely melted. She would not feel anything at all. Bad news: the tumor board finally got around to reviewing my case and it is clear that the second tumor deeper in is a completely separate entity. That means a mastectomy for me. She did mention that a skin-saving, and possibly nip-saving surgery may be possible since neither tumor was close to my skin. That would also mean that I probably would not have radiation, which would rule. At this point, I am not setting any expectations for anything. Until the chemo is done and I get the MRI and sit down with the surgical team, I am just going to try to keep hoping for the best, but not expecting anything specific. There are still just too many variables.
Having such an amazing pathological response is great though. It is crazy to actually feel the tumor shrink from the chemo. Science in action!!
Monday was my first taxol treatment. To be honest, it was a bit of a mess- as that is what I do best. 🙂
John got up at ass o’clock with me to make it to my appointment. I needed him there as I was unsure of how I would react to this chemo. They pump you full of benedryl to keep any possible allergic reactions to a minimum, as taxol can cause quite severe allergies in some people. Once the first 10-15 minutes pass, you know if you are going to react, so I let him head home for a nap while we proceeded. Good thing too, because even though I actually brought Star Wars to watch this time, I didn’t make it past Alderaan being blown up before I crashed out. My own snores woke me up, so I closed my computer and set it on the table next to my chair, and got up to go to the bathroom, and promptly pulled my chemo line right out. Luckily I had closed my computer, or the chemo would have gone alllll inside it!. As it was, my really loud “SHIT!!” had them running over, trying to keep my antihistamine doped self from trying to help them clean it up. One thing you really don’t want to do is get that stuff on your skin. So I just backed out of the way, went to pee, and came back and sat my butt down to wait for them to get back around to me and reconnect my port. Ouch. But, I was still so out of it, I just went back to sleep till my “done” alarm went off and I called John back to get me.
The rest of the day is kind of a blur. I don’t usually take any kind of allergy meds unless I am getting into bed, so that much of that stuff really made me loopy. I remember sleeping a good portion of the day. I think we went and had dinner that night, but am not 100% sure. Not having the steroids is kind of nice, but they did give me energy, which I am missing right about now.
Tuesday was good. I am working a different shift this week covering for my manager while he is on vacation, and 9am is very early for me. Most of the day was spent trying to figure out exactly how to do everything, and getting my bearings. Towards the end of the workday, my hands really started to hurt. They started swelling, and cracking a bit. By the end of the night I was slathering on a ton of Badger Balm and putting gloves on just to try to keep them hydrated.
Today they are just as bad. I did get an ice pack and spent a lot of my day holding on to it, and hen pecking my keyboard. Luckily my manager is very understanding of my situation, and knows that I am going to be having issues. I didn’t expect this though. Very unpleasant. And now just in the last hour or so, my bones have really started to hurt. I knew that might happen, but I can feel my teeth even. I have already taken my pain meds, and have to wait a few more hours till I can take more. This is really painful shit. Just walking to the bathroom is getting hard.
Still, I know that compared to so many others, I have it easy. I don’t have to go every day for chemo, or even every week. I have someone that cares for me here at home, and friends and family that are unbelievably supportive and helpful, and more love than I know what to do with. I count myself lucky even through my complaining, because I am.
I am looking forward to this weekend, as my BFF Erica will be coming to stay for a couple of days. We plan on taking a trip up to see Brettany and do some antique/junk browsing, and then some movie watching. Should be an awesome time! Let’s hope my bones settle down by then cause ain’t nobody got time for this!
I did want to share this with any other Star Trek nerds out there : http://www.sfgate.com/news/texas/article/Restored-Star-Trek-ship-Galileo-arrives-in-Houston-4698335.php#photo-4984140
And for those of you that sew and can’t seem to find good and affordable storage for your patterns: http://www.crafterella.com/2010/03/another-pattern-storage-idea.html This is such a great tip.
All right folks, that is it for me tonight. I am going to try to get some sleep. Wish me luck!
Posted in Uncategorized by Woodenleg with 2 comments.
I’m just gonna put this here
I suggest you watch it, and use the app
Posted in Uncategorized by Woodenleg with 2 comments.
it’s been a long 10 days.
First- let me say that the molasses thing is still working perfectly. I am getting a little tired of the flavor, but that is a very tiny price to pay for comfort. I told my oncologist about it, and at first she looked at me like I was crazy, until I started explaining what info I found as far as nutrition went for it, then she seemed to accept my word. Not that she will likely tell her other patients about it, but if she even mentions it to one person and it helps them, I will have done a good deed.
On to news: The palpable tumor is really tiny. My onc. called it at 0.5cm, just because she can still feel something, but it is difficult. Feeling good about that! Other good news: once any kind of surgery is done, my port will come out (I was afraid they would want to leave it in.) And 2-3 weeks after my last chemo, I can start eating fresh fruit and vegetables!!! I am dreaming about salads at this point. I will probably wait the full 3 weeks, and of course only eat things prepped at home for a while, but just knowing that there will be fresh greens and tomatoes in my future brings me joy.
I got in to see my real GP, and had a great talk with her about everything that has been happening. She told me she was really happy with the choice I made for my treatment center, as many of her patients that have gone there have had much success, and the care they have been given has been stellar. I can agree with that assessment so far. She also finally got all my medications worked out, and now I can stop having the occasional panic attack. Normally, I don’t have them. But being diagnosed with/in treatment for a potentially fatal disease can really cause you to freak the fuck out at times. I need to be able to stay calm and focus on getting better, and not dwell on what might happen. I also need to sleep in order to let my body heal.
This time around, my neuropathy has been minimal, but for the first time I had some real nausea. All day on 7/15 after chemo I was just not right. I took my meds, nothing helped. I never actually got sick, but man, just opening my eyes was rough. I am so thankful that it has not been a part of my experience like so many other people. I’ll take the stupid hunger and the crappy Eddie Money song in my head all day over being nauseous, thank you very much!
My next chemo will be the switch to Taxol. I have no idea how I will react to that, and am trying to not worry too much. Good thing is that I won’t have to have the Neulasta injections anymore, and can stop obsessing over my spleen. 🙂 Neuropathy can be a real issue, and I am hoping that it stays minimal, as I would like to get through this in the shortest amount of time possible. Any serious issues with it will turn my 8 week treatment to at least 16. Obviously I would rather not have to do it that long, but I also don’t want any permanent damage.
Shayne came by and we decided on a design plan for our art project. I am very excited, and hope that it comes together nicely. She is an amazing artist, and to be able to collaborate with her on something so personal is really important to me. She is busy working hard (as she always does on everything) on Tabitha’s benefit http://erennie.wix.com/tynkerhelp which is coming up real soon! Check out the auction items! Really amazing things have come in from some extraordinary artists and local businesses. You really don’t want to miss out on the show.
I do have some sad news to impart. Brettany had to let Mr Kink go on Thursday. His tumor had begun to interfere with his elimination, and his quality of life was about to start to suffer. That is not something anyone wants for our loved ones. I loved Kinky as my own, and was lucky enough to get to care for him while she was in England. I learned a lot from him, and will miss him dearly. He was a character for sure, and such a sweet cat. I am glad that I was able to love him while he was with me, and that I was able to keep him going so that he was still here when Bret came home. His last year was a very happy one, fully of love from his momma. Some of you may not understand, but for those of us that don’t have human kids, our furry ones are just as important. They may not be able to talk to us, but they express love in ways that makes it clear that it is unconditional. A cat may have attitude, but they are more honest and loving than 99% of the humans on this planet will be to you. His sweet puddy tat face will always make me smile.
I want to end this post by sharing a very moving video. Shayne’s fella Johnny shared it with me. It is truly inspiring, and i will warn you, it may make you cry, but for good reasons. I am not a sports fan (except baseball) and didn’t know a thing about this man until I watched this, then started to look into his legacy. These are words you can take to heart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuoVM9nm42E
Posted in Uncategorized by Woodenleg with 2 comments.
my TMI PSA
Okay folks, I am going to talk about something that is absolutely mortifying.
This weekend was really terrible. I spent the majority of it in bed. The other few moments were in tears.
I am going to talk about it because the scope of this issue was not fully discussed by anyone when chemo was presented, and the only place I have seen any real discussions about it have been on other chemo patient blogs. I may not be able to look any of you in the eye from now on, but at least I have done the right thing and let you know, because it is really important and excruciatingly painful. Like- I was on the floor in a pool of my own sweat and tears trying to stay conscious painful. I am not exaggerating. It happened several days in a row.
When you are undergoing chemo, a lot of weird things happen to your body. A lot of these things are obvious, others just get more talk time. Things like losing your hair and nails, the nausea, the heartburn, the swelling, the fatigue, the fact that you are not allowed to eat raw fruits and vegetables. What does not get talked about enough is what happens to your digestive system and what happens in the bathroom.
So here goes!
The enzymes and bacteria in your mouth, stomach, and intestines die off. No bueno. Your body basically stops making mucus when you have chemo. That is more important that you would ever fathom. The dehydration you are fighting by drinking a gallon of water a day is never abated. The combination of those things means this: you will look on the toilet with panic and fear. Why? Because the food you are eating is not quite as digested as normal, and there is no longer any natural lubrication from your intestines, and you will be slightly constipated. This causes hemorrhoids, and even if you have had them before, you have not had them without that friend mucus or your buddies that normally help you digest your food. I promise you, it is the most painful thing that has ever happened to me so far in my life. And you can’t avoid going to the bathroom forever.
All the OTC creams and all the witchazel in the world do not do anything to fix what is happening inside of you. They help, but not much. Even a lidocaine cream did not do anything to help. So I started searching the web, and the only place I found any real advice was on various other blogs. I can tell you that after 1 day, something that was shared on a few of them is already working! If I had the energy to dance, I would.
First let me say- always check with your doctor before trying anything. I didn’t this time because I was about to jump in front of a bus if I didn’t try something. What I found that seemed to help most people, and that is already helping me is: Blackstrap Molasses.
yep.
A simple, old fashioned home remedy that actually helps with several things at once. It is full of all sorts of goodness, but it is insanely sweet. Here is a good bit of info http://www.safe-hemorrhoid-treatment.com/blackstrap-molasses.html I drank a tablespoon last night with the milk and ice, and had 2 tablespoons in the same with a teeny bit of cold brew coffee throughout the day today. All I can say is, while still unpleasant, I did not again end up in a crying ball on the floor tonight. And I did not lose several ounces of blood either.
So there you have it- my shame is my gift to you should you ever find yourself on the floor in a pool of your own tears and sweat, trying not to pass the eff out from pain. Before it starts to get anywhere near there, go to the store and stock up on blackstrap molasses. Then send me a flippin thank you card mofo.
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Don’t wait.
I love you.
Those 3 words can be hard to say at times, but you should not wait to say them to anyone you love or want to love.
Yesterday was just another day, I was dealing with some side effects, working, living life. Then someone posted a photo on facebook. At first I thought it was just a great photo of old friends and it made me smile, then realized something else must be happening.
I have not seen one of those people in 20 years, and on 7/4, he was killed in an accident. It made me feel terrible, that I hadn’t spoken to him in so long, and now I would never have the chance to do so again. We were not close friends, we partied together and had a lot of laughs. Just because we were not close does not mean he did not impact my life, or that I did not think about him and others from that time- I do often and with great fondness.
What I thought, what everyone thinks when something like this happens, is that life is too short, and that there are no guarantees. Here I am, fighting for my life, and in a second it could end due to some stupid accident. The person standing next to you could be gone in a moment and you are only left with your memories, and hopefully no regrets.
An hour later, the lovely Kim let me know she had to send her sweet cat Marley on his way. His body had given up, and it was time for him to go. He had spent a good part of the day with us while I had my head hennaed, and was getting love all over the place. He sat for a long time against my feet while she applied the love. He was an old scrapper, not a lap kitty, so this was not really his usual duty detail. I am honored that he chose to spend all that time with us, and wanted the attention. I know how much she loved him, and he will be missed by many.
Every person and animal we come in contact with every day of our lives is affected by our presence. You can choose how that being remembers you, and how you can contribute to their lives. Be kind to everyone you encounter.
Love on your furry kids now- squeeze them and brush them and bury your face in their fur. If you have missed an old friend, find them and reconnect. If you need to apologize to someone for something you’ve done in the past, do it. If you need to tell someone that you love them, don’t wait. Say it often and say it clearly- “I love you.” Spend time with them and don’t let the daily grind get in the way. It really is not that hard and it is important. It can make all the difference in the world to you as well as to them, because looking back and wishing you could say it is horrible. Looking back and wishing you had more time with someone is a terrible feeling. Even if you are upset or angry- always tell them you love them.
Keep your heart open.
I love you.
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